dinnertime

Michael and the girls are eating dinner (I'm at a shoot). Nina bails and says she's done - with everything still on her plate. Michael uses the ice cream threat (we're all going out for ice cream, if you don't eat your dinner you don't get any...). And Audrey adds, "and if you get hungry, you'll just have to eat rocks."

the fashion show that's more like a variety show

Nina and Audrey were hard at work tonight, for 10 minutes, preparing for a fashion show for us. Nina shouted from the top of the stairs, "Andrea & Michael Turner. Andrea & Michael Turner...the fashion show is ready to start." We went in shifts because if you go together, you're stuck for twice the amount of time.

Michael went first and got a heartfelt rendition of "Anyway you want it," by Audrey and the Glee cast.

Then it was my turn and I take better notes of what transpires.

First they turn off the lights. Then they cross themselves (Father, Son & Holy Spirit -- thank you CK). Then Nina disappears and Audrey announces, "Thank you for coming to observe our show. Please keep the lights off and no drinks allowed" (I'm holding a glass of wine, so I take the last sip and politely put the glass away).

Nina enters wearing skull leggings, plaid skirt, Halloween shirt, cardigan and sunglasses on her head. The CD is now on a slow song, so Nina begins her interpretive dance that is suprisingly graceful.

Now it's Auddie's turn. Nina gives two announcements about the show and then goes to the CD player to start a new song. After a few seconds she says, "Ugh...how do you WORK this thing?" So the audience (me) helps out.

Audrey saunters in wearing an all pink outfit with a satin blanket draped over her shoulders. She flings off the blanket and shakes her hips, walks to the couch to grab an accessory (a big hair thing to fling around with her fingers, which ultimately ends up sailing into the TV) and eventually wraps up her dance number. I muffled my laugh with my illegal glassware and excused myself so I could come type this and demonstrate to Michael Audrey's new suggestive dance move.

Just another night at the Turner casa.

Fredo was ticked to be blessed

Last Friday was the Blessing of the Animals at Christ the King. It's an annual event. Naturally, Audrey was dying for us to take Fredo. So we did.

I dropped of Auddie at school and waited in the parking lot for the blessing to start. Michael and Nina were bringing up the rear, with Fredo in tow. It's difficult to fully appreciate the scene of the blessing unless you've been to it. People bring horse trailers full of horses, ponies, dogs of all sizes, cats of all colors, goldfish, and stuffed animals. And the entire school is in an organized circle, with the animals.

So here's Fredo - a cool cat, for sure -- stuffed into a toy couture dog carrier that's soft-sided, features a small, mesh window, and is covered in shiny pink material. We got more comments on the carrier than we did the beautifully pissed cat inside of it.

Overall, though, I thought the blessing went really well. Fredo didn't hiss, nor did he try to swipe the noses of kindergartners who wanted to see him in his glitzy bag. I offered to take him home while Michael and Nina stayed to marvel at the other animals. And this was my first mistake.

I enjoy having Fredo in the car - it's like Mommy and Me time. He likes to sit on my lap after crawling all over the car, always careful to avoid the screaming banchee children who are usually riding in the back. Today, though, he and I enjoyed the relatively silent trip home. But then I started to gag.

Fredo's tummy was apparently a bit upset by the morning's events. He'd let a little SHART on the collar of my sweatshirt. Now, picture the proximity of the dot of poo to my nose. Picturing it? Yep, smells nice, doesn't it? Make you queasy? Yep, it should. I was. And I swore I smelled like crap all day long, even after I shed the sweatshirt.

But, the good news is that Fredo's blessed...in more ways than one.

three's company

This morning as I made the girls waffles (frozen ones - don't kid yourself), asked Audrey, "Do you need some syrup, Auddie?" Nina pipes up with, "What's syruppauddie?"

I replied, "What? Oh, no, I asked Audrey if she wanted syrup."
Nina continued, "But what's syrupauddie?"
Again, I tried to explain, "No, it's two different words. Syrup. Audrey."
Nina asked again, Yeah, but what's syrupauddie?"

Now Audrey has to join in the fun and confuse things more.

Audrey says (with eye roll), "Nina, remember when we went to the water park? (Now I'm keenly interested because I can't figure out which conversation Audrey's been listening to that'd make her think of the water park.)  I did the surfing body...'member?"

Now I'm exasperated. We went from a misunderstanding about syrup and Audrey being two different words in a sentence to Audrey saying I was referring to BODY SURFING (surfing body).

I just put my elbows on the counter and rested my head in my hands until the confusion died down.

the wrong kind of directions

I asked Nina tonight if she knew where the calculator was. She replied, "Umm, yeah...turn left, then take a right."

Nina's shopping list

Nina received a gift card to Target for her birthday. When asked what she was going to buy, she promptly replied, "Chicken."

the t.p. bride

Yesterday was really the first time Brittney's spent quality one-on-one time with my girls. She was overdue. After I'd been gone 15 minutes, Britt sends me a text: "I owe you a roll of t.p. I'll explain later." For those of you who know Britt, you can imagine the random thoughts that went through my head. But I knew the girls were in good hands. 
Here's what they were up to...

Making toilet paper bridal gowns, of course.










So Audrey got into character and strutted her stuff for the photographer.

Fierce.

FIERCE looks.
This is high fashion, folks. Expect nothing less.

And then she softened a bit...dreaming about the big day.

...and realized that a pose just isn't a pose without holding one of your feet and balancing against a dresser.










But then it was Nina's turn.

The design started simple.

But she wanted more...like a long, flowy skirt.

And lip gloss. LOTS of lip gloss.

Then it was time for her photoshoot.

And seeing herself in a full length mirror for the first time.

Then for a demonstration of the walk down the aisle.

Now for some casual shots.

totally relaxed bride.

Now for one minor adjustment...

YEP. The dog-like ears complete the veiled look.

But now it's time to trash the dress...












...and make Brittney wear the leftovers. (note the headpiece)