the audrey turner show

Audrey and the girls are playing an awesome winter blues game called "How long can we stay in the playroom in our fort?" Michael and I think it's the best game they've ever come up with. I served them lunch and cookies and they've been up there for at least 3 hours. Then Audrey came to the top of the stairs...

As she throws herself on the ground and starts to sloooowly slide on her butt down the stairs, she whines, "Gracie won't let me sleep in the same spot. I have to move to a light spot. I don't want that spot. It's. Not. Fair!"

Michael and I hide our laughter and begin to twirl dramatically and say, "It's the Judy Miller Show!" Audrey gets ticked and crosses her arms. If you haven't already seen the SNL skit The Judy Miller Show, check it out. As much as Ramona is Audrey, so is Judy Miller.

Audrey's views on loooong ago

Audrey was staring at a clock in our living room.

"Mom, there's something interesting about this clock. Those aren't really numbers." I replied, "Those are Roman numerals. They were used a long time ago." After thinking about it she said, "Ooooooh...like a looong time ago? Like in the 1970s?" I said, "No, way before that." She said with confidence, "Oh, you mean like when they wore long, dirty clothes, right?"

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In the car, Audrey says, "Did you know that a looong time ago people didn't even have any food to eat? They only had fish and other gross things to eat."

dinner talk

Last night at dinner it was just me and the girls. With her mouth half-full of spaghetti, Audrey asked thoughtfully, "If you toot, would it push your baby out?"

Me: Um, no.

remember how I said Auddie is a great Catholic school girl?

Here's a picture Audrey drew today... please be impressed by the detail.

Red arrow - Jesus on the cross
Blue arrow - Father Champeaux
Orange arrow - Me holding two glasses of wine (no, not because of last weekend, Kayte & Mike Denslow) - for communion (never taken it, but Audrey doesn't know that, nor do we need to answer those questions right now)

I also love that she refers to the alter boys/girls as "the workers."

dinner with the Turners - worse than being at Chuck E. Cheese on a sat night

In general, Michael and I loathe weekday dinners. Over the past 5 years, we've turned into the parents we didn't think we'd be--making different meals for our kids.

Audrey has a gag reflex from hell and Nina's just a pill. To be fair, though, I should mention that they do have individual tastes and we know this because they have actually ventured outside of the nugget bubble.

For example, Audrey likes carrots and turkey sandwiches with mayo. Thin, deli-sliced turkey. Too thick and she'll gag and wrinkle her nose. Or if it's good turkey - like the kind I'm craving as Thanksgiving gets closer -- she starts to have a conniption fit at the thought of eating it.

Nina, unlike Audrey, enjoys rice. White rice, brown rice, gross rice, whatever. And they both eat tons of fruit, so there's hope.

But last week it occurred to me that we're just two weeks out from Thanksgiving at my in-laws. I'm almost certain they think I'm an angel and #1 Mom, but to be sure, I wanted to get the kiddos eating an actual grownup meal with us on this special day.

So, as of last week, the girls eat what we eat - every meal. Now, we don't eat caviar, liver, salmon, or anything even remotely exotic, so it isn't like we're torturing the kids. But tonight, you would have thought I was feeding Audrey a two-day old, smelly egg salad sandwich when I put a GRILLED CHEESE sandwich in front of her.

Gagging, plugging of the nose...cries of "I'm gonna throw up! I'm serious!"

Nina, on the other hand, was Eddie Haskel and kept saying, "Audrey, I'm eating it. See....it's good for you, Audrey. Stop being a baby...I'm gonna get a treat....I'm not gonna throw up..." and so on, and so forth.

I was sitting with a napkin over my face because I was so frustrated I wanted to scream and Michael, bless his heart, just kept at it with Audrey...encouraging her every step of the way.

She finally did eat the bloody sandwich, but not without Nina serenading us with, "Mary had a little man, little man, little man..." At least it gave us something to chuckle about.



Anyone wanna join us for dinner this weekend?

Ramona is Audrey. Audrey is Ramona.

Michael took Grace and Auddie to Ramona and Beezus when it was in theaters this summer. To my surprise, Michael really liked it -- even got teary (but don't tell him I told you).

I bought the movie this week and we declared today Family Movie Night, complete with a concession stand. The Turner girls worked hard at the setup (see below). Nina said popcorn was "40 bucks" and Audrey wanted to sell "Indian headbands" for $20. Not a bad deal. Grace was the more reasonable merchant and she sold us 5 movie tix for 50 cents.

 

I was looking forward to the movie because we've said for several years that Audrey reminds us of Ramona the Pest. I didn't expect to cry nearly eight times during the movie, but it was so Audrey.

*Ramona's nickname is Pickle. Audrey's is Noodle.

*Ramona likes to wear firefighter boots to school. Audrey likes to wear a feather in her headband so she looks like the Indians she's been learning about.

*Ramona tries to do the right thing, but somehow it turns out badly and she ends up in trouble.

I love when Ramona is presenting to the class and she says they have a big hole in their house. No one believes her, including the teacher, and she's asked to sit down before she gets to finish. That's Audrey, and it reminded me to slow down and listen closer to her stories that seem outrageous because there's likely more truth than fiction in them.

An example: In the first month of school, she told me the kindergartners didn't have to go on the Friday of Sausage Fest. I didn't believe her, didn't check the school calendar. Dropped her off that morning and got as far as Starbucks when the school secretary called to tell me the kindergartners didn't have school...and that Audrey was just coloring in the office, waiting for me. When I picked her up, she looked at me and said, "I told you so, didn't I?" She wasn't rubbing it in, she was just being matter-of-fact. It was a lesson learned for me.

I'm so thankful for my Audrey--antics and all. She, like Ramona, can teach us all a few things.

saints and other important figures

As I was driving Auddie home from school today she started another uncomfortable religious conversation with me. It's uncomfortable because I don't know how to answer her questions. She doesn't know that I actually study the little religious workbook sheets she brings home so that I can be somewhat intelligent about it.

So she says, "Do you know what Saints are?"
Me: Yes
Auddie: ....like St. Patrick...and St. Lucy...and St. Margo...
Me: Um, sure. (verified later with Michael that there is no Lucy or Margo in the lineup)
Auddie: ...and the Tooth Fairy.
Me: Well, yes.