it's harder to wipe this way

This conversation was one of those times when I couldn't keep a straight face.

Audrey came into the office and said, "Mom, it's harder to wipe this way" (she stands, spreads her legs and uses her hand to motion wiping front to back). "It's easier to wipe this way" (yep, you guessed it, she demonstrates wiping back to front, which apparently goes from her backside all the way up to her chin).

She says it with such a serious face that I tried to contain my smirk. She was looking for approval from me, which I wasn't going to give (females understand). Rather, I nodded in understanding, but reinforced the need for her to keep trying.

Oy.

dad is funny, too

Our kids are obsessed with a CD Audrey got at a summer bible camp. The CD is called SonQuest Rain Forest (you have to know this part to get the humor in this). We wanted to hide it we were so tired of hearing it, so when I texted Michael today and said, "I'm gonna sell the kids," he replied, "Tell 'em you hid a brand new sunquestrainforest CD in the yard somewhere and finders keepers."

I laughed out loud (and I might try it).

Disclaimer: don't judge us for selling the kids jokes. We wouldn't really do that. We'd make a trade.

it's the truth, ruth

I pulled up to the Mocha Express drive thru window. Audrey shouts to the lady, "Her name is Andrea Turner and she loves coffee!"

letting any 'ol riff raff watch the kids

BFF Britt showed up at 2:00 to stay with the girls until Michael got home from work. After dropping off the diaper bag, she returned to her car for Brax and Audrey says incredulously, "She's your babysitter?!?!?!"

Poor Britt--she gets no respect.

Too much talking

Today when I picked up Audrey at school, she wasn't happy to see me. She wasn't ready to confess that she got in trouble at school.

Audrey (mad face, arms crossed): I don't want to tell you what I have to tell you.
Me: Well, it's best you just get it over with before I find out from someone else.
Audrey: I got in trouble at school. BUT, I didn't get sent to the principal's office (this said in earnest because she knows the principal would be the least of her worries.).
Me: What did you get in trouble for?
Audrey: Talking too much.
Me: Well, I used to get in trouble for that, too. And so did your grammy, so you come by it honestly. Tomorrow is a new day for you to start over and make sure you listen to your teacher.
Audrey: (silent. Then, as she's getting into the car...) I'm SO bummed about it.

Not sure if she's bummed she got in trouble or bummed she has to try not to talk tomorrow.

It's the little things

Audrey said enthusiastically today, "Mom, Mrs. Holom has the most AMAZING hanitizer (the Turner girls' shorthand for hand sanitizer). It smells like grapes."

I want some money

Audrey casually approached me with, "Mom, I want jobs." I replied, "Great! Like chores where you earn an allowance?"

Audrey: No, where I get money.
Me: Well, that's what an allowance is.
Audrey: Well, I want to go to our neighbors' houses (she gestures around her because we're in front of our house) and say, "Hi, I'm Audrey, and I want to get some money. Can I clean your house?"
Me: Oh. Maybe when you get older you can do that, but for now, you can work on cleaning parts of our house. Here, let's write down some chores you can do. (I start listing things like: feed Fredo, make bed, etc.)
Audrey: Um, Mom. Can you stop and listen to what I want to put on there?
Me: Sure.
Audrey: Like, I want to clean the bathrooms, sweep after Daddy mows the lawn, use that cleaner stuff for the bathrooms...

Now here's the funny part... Audrey HATES to pick up after herself. She's probably our laziest child when it comes time to clean, so I can't wait to remind her of this "I want to clean other peoples' houses" conversation in a few years. Oh, and she also wants to "like, walk people's dogs and stuff...just the little dogs, though."