our little patriot

Sent by Michael:

Nina during the National Anthem last night at the ballpark, salutin' the yooo-knighted states. Note: She even took off her shades for the song...out of respect and all.

a case of mistaken identity

We're at Famous Footwear. I'm looking at socks, Nina and Audrey are just behind me. I hear Nina say, "Look how tall I am!" Then Audrey, "And me! I'm taller!"

I turn around to see what they're measuring themselves against...

They stood on the base, back against the pole, just like they do at the doctor's office. Except there, they use this:

Honest mistake

Nina-ism

About Fredo, "He's a funny little pussy."

Audrey-isms

Throws herself on the bed tonight and dramatically says, "Ugh. I'm tireder than a horse."

Next, Michael tells her to brush her teeth. She walks into our bathroom and slowly pulls down her panties. Michael asks, "Audrey? What are you doing?"

She looks at him--dazed--and says, "I'm always in trouble." Michael says, "No, Auddie, you're usually a very good girl." She stands up straight, smiles and says, "Thanks for that."

as the world turns...at the Turners

First it started with Audrey being a real estate agent. She was showing the house to Grace and her daughter, Nina. Grace, it seemed, had just returned from having a baby at the hospital, so Audrey was showing her the selling points of the house. (awesome)

Then, Grace accused Audrey of trying to steal her baby. (guffaw!) Audrey stalked away in a huff, but still humming. Many doors slammed (I yelled about that one), then Grace ordered Audrey out of her house or, she threatened, "We will move!"

Stay tuned for the next segment...

bamboo, baboon, buffoons

We're talking about pets today. Audrey says, "You can have a pet bamboo." I asked what a bamboo is. She replied, "You know...a type of monkey that eats from its brother and sister's hair."

She meant a BABOON.

don't get in trouble at school...or else...

Audrey says to Grace, "If you get in trouble at school, the teacher doesn't smack you in the face. You're sent to the principal's office for that."

that's horrible

Nina's been using a new word - horrible. There are worse words she's used over and over (dammit, for one), but this one is particularly funny because she uses it opposite of its meaning.


Examples:

-Friends were coming over for dinner. She excitedly said, "Scott and Kylee are coming over? Tonight?" I replied, "Yes." She said with a big smile, "Huh-oh! That's horrible!"

-She saw a group of summer day camp kids walking to the park. "Hey, they're going to the park to eat ice cream! That's HORRIBLE!" (laughing)

love

Nina: Sometimes I don't love people. Like bad guys...and boring people.

oh Nina...please don't do this in public

Nina sitting to my left on the couch. She has her hand down the front of her shirt.

Me: Nina, what are you doing?
Nina: (she slightly turns her head to reply to my stupid question) Playing with my boobie. Cuz I want to.

'nuf said.