Saturday, October 23, 2010

it wasn't exactly "eye of the tiger" skating action

Friday after school was Audrey's first skating party with CK. She's still too young to experience the anticipation of cruising around the dimly lit rink, looking oh-so-cool, jammin' to eye of the tiger and thinking about who your partner will be for the slow skate.


I had this anticipation. Shooting the duck wasn't really my thing, but my childhood crush was a fantastic duck shooter so I'd root him on from behind the wall -- my glow bracelets waving in the air. Yep, glow bracelets.

So when Audrey put on the classic brown, stained skates, I was excited for her. She did the classic Audrey spaz move, "Look Mom, I can do this!" and promptly found herself face down on the carpet where she put on her skates. Michael half-joked that she really should wear a helmet, to which I replied, "Do you want her to be the outcast of her school?"

Roller Girl

The silver lining on our skate cloud was that I could walk around the rink--no skates required. I had Audrey on my right, hanging on for dear life as her legs did a constant scissor kick. Nina was on my left, wearing the tiniest skates I'd ever seen. She was doing far better than her spaz sis.

Nina's skate next to nieces'

It took us 7 minutes to get around the rink once. I cringed as eager kids went down around us...the ones who clung to the wall, scooting themselves around, but when the wall ran out and they faced the valley of death space to the next wall, their legs go in different directions and they land hard.

Thankfully, my sister, nieces and nephew showed up. Misery loves company. She took her 7 min walk around the rink with Tony. Then my awesome nieces took Audrey off of my hands and helped her back out on the floor.

All in all, it was a successful first skate party. I'm sure there are many more in my future. Maybe, just maybe...if the kids are lucky...I'll don a pair of those kick-ass skates and show them my moves. But only if Eye of the Tiger is blaring.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

a clean one

At the pumpkin patch today, Audrey says, "I don't want a dirty one. I want a clean pumpkin." I replied, "They grow in dirt, Auddie, they'll all have dirt on them." Then I added offhandedly, "Wash it off when we get home."

And that's exactly what she did.

I got the pumpkins out of the car (ended up with 7 because i didn't realize Nina was adding pumpkins to the wagon while I waited for the worker to come out and weigh our load) and Audrey grabbed a nice dish towel and a bowl of water and scrubbed every single one.

she's gaga for my jeans

It's always risky to take your child into a dressing room.

When Grace was 5, I took her when I tried on bathing suits. Not a brilliant idea. She told me, "That looks good. You look like my teacher."

I didn't buy a bathing suit that evening.

Then in a dressing room with Audrey, she asks many questions (loudly) about my bra, panties, etc. Why I chose those colors, why my panties are different than hers, etc.

And so it was Nina's turn to humiliate me.

I had 7 pair of jeans hanging up. I put on the first...she shrugged her shoulders and said her new favorite phrase, "That's fine."

I try on the second pair, twirl for her. She makes a dramatic face and says, "You look like Lady Gaga."

I scrapped the gaga jeans and went for a different pair.

the conversation that wouldn't end

Nina and I are in the car, spending our typical Thursday together. It's 7 solid hours of her asking me questions until we pick up Audrey from school...and then both ask questions. Here's how today's frustrating conversation went:

Me: Nina, we're going to Maurices really fast so I can get some jeans.
Nina: Who's Mareesa?
Me: No, it's Maurices. It's a store.
Nina: Does her house have a bathroom?
Me: It's not a person's house and no, the store does not have a bathroom.
Nina: What's her name?
Me: (now getting really irritable) Whose name?
Nina: Her name. The place where you get jeans.
Nina: Who gonna pay for it?
Me: (silence. turn up radio)

Monday, October 18, 2010

What's funnier?

This CEOoftheCircus' first ever game of What's Funnier? Here goes...

1) That Michael uses a Dora the Explorer cup as his drinking vessel after brushing his teeth


2) That Nina offhandedly told us (after Michael had been using the cup for days) that she'd been giving Fredo drinks of water out of the same cup



As some of you may have read in the Tricycle Herald, the voice of SpongeBob and Patrick visited the Tri-Cities today. He made a pitstop at Christ the King school, of all places.

Audrey was thrilled.

She excitedly told us about how he talked to her class...and then spoke over the intercom before school got out, but she couldn't remember what he said--just that it was funny. Then tonight, as I sat next to her bed, she said, "Isn't it so cool that the guy who does Patrick's voice was at our school?" I replied, "Yeah." Then she said (with dramatic arm movements), "But he wasn't dressed like Patrick (wouldn't that have been fun). He wore a handsome suit instead. It had squirrels on the shirt."  Yes, that sounds handsome.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

PB and a horse

Audrey's a horse in an upcoming kindergarten play. She says matter-of-factly tonight, "This boy, whose name is Justin, is a horse, too. He always has peanut butter on him."

morning breath

Nina said to me, "You smell good, Mom. 'Cept for your breath."


Last week at preschool, Nina learned all about calling 911 if there's a fire. As she talked about it this morning with Auddie, I said, "You dial 911 in any emergency, Nina. Like, if Mom is hurt and can't call, you can dial 911." She responds solemnly, "Well, I don't really have a phone, Mom."

Saturday, October 9, 2010


Michael and the girls are eating dinner (I'm at a shoot). Nina bails and says she's done - with everything still on her plate. Michael uses the ice cream threat (we're all going out for ice cream, if you don't eat your dinner you don't get any...). And Audrey adds, "and if you get hungry, you'll just have to eat rocks."

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

the fashion show that's more like a variety show

Nina and Audrey were hard at work tonight, for 10 minutes, preparing for a fashion show for us. Nina shouted from the top of the stairs, "Andrea & Michael Turner. Andrea & Michael Turner...the fashion show is ready to start." We went in shifts because if you go together, you're stuck for twice the amount of time.

Michael went first and got a heartfelt rendition of "Anyway you want it," by Audrey and the Glee cast.

Then it was my turn and I take better notes of what transpires.

First they turn off the lights. Then they cross themselves (Father, Son & Holy Spirit -- thank you CK). Then Nina disappears and Audrey announces, "Thank you for coming to observe our show. Please keep the lights off and no drinks allowed" (I'm holding a glass of wine, so I take the last sip and politely put the glass away).

Nina enters wearing skull leggings, plaid skirt, Halloween shirt, cardigan and sunglasses on her head. The CD is now on a slow song, so Nina begins her interpretive dance that is suprisingly graceful.

Now it's Auddie's turn. Nina gives two announcements about the show and then goes to the CD player to start a new song. After a few seconds she says, " do you WORK this thing?" So the audience (me) helps out.

Audrey saunters in wearing an all pink outfit with a satin blanket draped over her shoulders. She flings off the blanket and shakes her hips, walks to the couch to grab an accessory (a big hair thing to fling around with her fingers, which ultimately ends up sailing into the TV) and eventually wraps up her dance number. I muffled my laugh with my illegal glassware and excused myself so I could come type this and demonstrate to Michael Audrey's new suggestive dance move.

Just another night at the Turner casa.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Fredo was ticked to be blessed

Last Friday was the Blessing of the Animals at Christ the King. It's an annual event. Naturally, Audrey was dying for us to take Fredo. So we did.

I dropped of Auddie at school and waited in the parking lot for the blessing to start. Michael and Nina were bringing up the rear, with Fredo in tow. It's difficult to fully appreciate the scene of the blessing unless you've been to it. People bring horse trailers full of horses, ponies, dogs of all sizes, cats of all colors, goldfish, and stuffed animals. And the entire school is in an organized circle, with the animals.

So here's Fredo - a cool cat, for sure -- stuffed into a toy couture dog carrier that's soft-sided, features a small, mesh window, and is covered in shiny pink material. We got more comments on the carrier than we did the beautifully pissed cat inside of it.

Overall, though, I thought the blessing went really well. Fredo didn't hiss, nor did he try to swipe the noses of kindergartners who wanted to see him in his glitzy bag. I offered to take him home while Michael and Nina stayed to marvel at the other animals. And this was my first mistake.

I enjoy having Fredo in the car - it's like Mommy and Me time. He likes to sit on my lap after crawling all over the car, always careful to avoid the screaming banchee children who are usually riding in the back. Today, though, he and I enjoyed the relatively silent trip home. But then I started to gag.

Fredo's tummy was apparently a bit upset by the morning's events. He'd let a little SHART on the collar of my sweatshirt. Now, picture the proximity of the dot of poo to my nose. Picturing it? Yep, smells nice, doesn't it? Make you queasy? Yep, it should. I was. And I swore I smelled like crap all day long, even after I shed the sweatshirt.

But, the good news is that Fredo's more ways than one.