Monday, September 27, 2010

three's company

This morning as I made the girls waffles (frozen ones - don't kid yourself), asked Audrey, "Do you need some syrup, Auddie?" Nina pipes up with, "What's syruppauddie?"

I replied, "What? Oh, no, I asked Audrey if she wanted syrup."
Nina continued, "But what's syrupauddie?"
Again, I tried to explain, "No, it's two different words. Syrup. Audrey."
Nina asked again, Yeah, but what's syrupauddie?"

Now Audrey has to join in the fun and confuse things more.

Audrey says (with eye roll), "Nina, remember when we went to the water park? (Now I'm keenly interested because I can't figure out which conversation Audrey's been listening to that'd make her think of the water park.)  I did the surfing body...'member?"

Now I'm exasperated. We went from a misunderstanding about syrup and Audrey being two different words in a sentence to Audrey saying I was referring to BODY SURFING (surfing body).

I just put my elbows on the counter and rested my head in my hands until the confusion died down.

the wrong kind of directions

I asked Nina tonight if she knew where the calculator was. She replied, "Umm, yeah...turn left, then take a right."

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Nina's shopping list

Nina received a gift card to Target for her birthday. When asked what she was going to buy, she promptly replied, "Chicken."

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

the t.p. bride

Yesterday was really the first time Brittney's spent quality one-on-one time with my girls. She was overdue. After I'd been gone 15 minutes, Britt sends me a text: "I owe you a roll of t.p. I'll explain later." For those of you who know Britt, you can imagine the random thoughts that went through my head. But I knew the girls were in good hands. 
Here's what they were up to...

Making toilet paper bridal gowns, of course.

So Audrey got into character and strutted her stuff for the photographer.


FIERCE looks.
This is high fashion, folks. Expect nothing less.

And then she softened a bit...dreaming about the big day.

...and realized that a pose just isn't a pose without holding one of your feet and balancing against a dresser.

But then it was Nina's turn.

The design started simple.

But she wanted a long, flowy skirt.

And lip gloss. LOTS of lip gloss.

Then it was time for her photoshoot.

And seeing herself in a full length mirror for the first time.

Then for a demonstration of the walk down the aisle.

Now for some casual shots.

totally relaxed bride.

Now for one minor adjustment...

YEP. The dog-like ears complete the veiled look.

But now it's time to trash the dress...

...and make Brittney wear the leftovers. (note the headpiece)

it's harder to wipe this way

This conversation was one of those times when I couldn't keep a straight face.

Audrey came into the office and said, "Mom, it's harder to wipe this way" (she stands, spreads her legs and uses her hand to motion wiping front to back). "It's easier to wipe this way" (yep, you guessed it, she demonstrates wiping back to front, which apparently goes from her backside all the way up to her chin).

She says it with such a serious face that I tried to contain my smirk. She was looking for approval from me, which I wasn't going to give (females understand). Rather, I nodded in understanding, but reinforced the need for her to keep trying.


dad is funny, too

Our kids are obsessed with a CD Audrey got at a summer bible camp. The CD is called SonQuest Rain Forest (you have to know this part to get the humor in this). We wanted to hide it we were so tired of hearing it, so when I texted Michael today and said, "I'm gonna sell the kids," he replied, "Tell 'em you hid a brand new sunquestrainforest CD in the yard somewhere and finders keepers."

I laughed out loud (and I might try it).

Disclaimer: don't judge us for selling the kids jokes. We wouldn't really do that. We'd make a trade.

it's the truth, ruth

I pulled up to the Mocha Express drive thru window. Audrey shouts to the lady, "Her name is Andrea Turner and she loves coffee!"

Monday, September 20, 2010

letting any 'ol riff raff watch the kids

BFF Britt showed up at 2:00 to stay with the girls until Michael got home from work. After dropping off the diaper bag, she returned to her car for Brax and Audrey says incredulously, "She's your babysitter?!?!?!"

Poor Britt--she gets no respect.

Too much talking

Today when I picked up Audrey at school, she wasn't happy to see me. She wasn't ready to confess that she got in trouble at school.

Audrey (mad face, arms crossed): I don't want to tell you what I have to tell you.
Me: Well, it's best you just get it over with before I find out from someone else.
Audrey: I got in trouble at school. BUT, I didn't get sent to the principal's office (this said in earnest because she knows the principal would be the least of her worries.).
Me: What did you get in trouble for?
Audrey: Talking too much.
Me: Well, I used to get in trouble for that, too. And so did your grammy, so you come by it honestly. Tomorrow is a new day for you to start over and make sure you listen to your teacher.
Audrey: (silent. Then, as she's getting into the car...) I'm SO bummed about it.

Not sure if she's bummed she got in trouble or bummed she has to try not to talk tomorrow.

It's the little things

Audrey said enthusiastically today, "Mom, Mrs. Holom has the most AMAZING hanitizer (the Turner girls' shorthand for hand sanitizer). It smells like grapes."

Friday, September 17, 2010

I want some money

Audrey casually approached me with, "Mom, I want jobs." I replied, "Great! Like chores where you earn an allowance?"

Audrey: No, where I get money.
Me: Well, that's what an allowance is.
Audrey: Well, I want to go to our neighbors' houses (she gestures around her because we're in front of our house) and say, "Hi, I'm Audrey, and I want to get some money. Can I clean your house?"
Me: Oh. Maybe when you get older you can do that, but for now, you can work on cleaning parts of our house. Here, let's write down some chores you can do. (I start listing things like: feed Fredo, make bed, etc.)
Audrey: Um, Mom. Can you stop and listen to what I want to put on there?
Me: Sure.
Audrey: Like, I want to clean the bathrooms, sweep after Daddy mows the lawn, use that cleaner stuff for the bathrooms...

Now here's the funny part... Audrey HATES to pick up after herself. She's probably our laziest child when it comes time to clean, so I can't wait to remind her of this "I want to clean other peoples' houses" conversation in a few years. Oh, and she also wants to "like, walk people's dogs and stuff...just the little dogs, though."

This week was the circus, literally

This was one of those weeks when I almost cried a few times in the car, did cry at night after Michael got home, and then did those manic laughs late at night as I IM'd with Britt.

It seemed that each day, the car rides with the girls became more unbearable (note - I'm in the car at least a few hours out of every day between 7:30 and 1:30 as I act like the Ben Franklin Transit). The "conversation" in the car goes something like this...

Girls: Turn up the music, please. (I turn up the music).
Girls: Turn it up louder, Mom. (I glare at them for not using manners, but don't scold because they can't hear me anyway. Then I turn it up a bit more.)
Girls: (Shouting over music) MOM! Turn it down! I need to ask you something.
Me: Yes?
Girls: Where are we going?
Me: Same place we go every morning at this time -- Audrey's school.
Audrey: But I'm going to missss you...I can hardly stand it.
Nina: Don't be a baby, Audrey. Mom, turn the music up! (I turn the music back up. 1 minute goes by.)
Girls: Mom. Mom. Mom.
Me: (Turning music down) Yes?
Nina: Um, why Audrey have to go to school?
Me: Because she has to go every day now.
Nina: Where's my baby orajel?
Me: I don't know.
Nina: (In a huge whiney voice) BUT I NEED IT - I HAVE AN OWIE IN MY LIP!!! (I turn the music back up).
Audrey: Mom, turn the music down, please. (I oblige and add that I'm not turning it back up again because they keep asking me questions. Audrey's silent. Didn't really have a question. Now there's no music.)
Nina: Why are we going this way?
Me: It's the same way we always go.
Audrey: (Bugging Nina) Why is Nina wearing that today? Mom, you know what? (Then never answers her own question.)
Nina: Don't be mean Audrey! (Whiney voice. Then she pinches Audrey. Audrey cries, hits her back. I nearly veer off the road.)

We arrive at the first drop off of the day.

Friday, September 3, 2010

The navigator

We were returning from a quick trip to Tacoma and Audrey couldn't wait to get home. As soon as she saw Pasco in the distance, she pointed and shouted, "Land Hooooooo!"

It's really unfair to the weak

The Turners are officially part of the Christ the King/Sausage Fest...festivities. Michael and I are signed up for wine pouring (awesome gig for first-timers, thanks to my sis) and Audrey is anxious to take people's money for raffle tickets. She, of course, is after the coveted buttons students get when they sell at least 100 (or so I hear).

It's really unfair of me to send our three adorable girls door-to-door to sell the tickets, but that's exactly what I did. How can one deny those three pair of big blue eyes? They can't. They won't. I'm sure of it. They hit our next door neighbors up first and I spied from the sidewalk. Here's how it went down:

Grace is the negotiator. Audrey's the bank teller. Nina's the cherry on top -- the cute 'lil blondie wearing a dress.

Each girl takes a turn knocking - one knock just won't do. The door opens.

Grace kicks it off with an explanation of what they're selling. She even had me make notes to help her out.

Then Audrey fumbles through her bag of tickets and dollar bills she donated to the cause as her "change." Bank teller, I tell ya.

Nina's the wild card. She turns to me during the transaction and gives a cute wave, then crosses her arms and goes back to listening to her sisters close the deal. When the buyer leaves the doorway for a second, Nina turns around and yells, "They're going to get some money!" I cringe.

When the person returns and leaves again, Nina yells "They didn't have enough money...they're going to get more." Again, I cringe.

Despite Nina's rude yelling, the girls do, in fact, sell a ticket. And as they're walking back they pass me and Grace says flippantly, "You need to explain to Audrey that the money doesn't go to her."

Just another evening at the Turners.

So, who wants to buy a $1 raffle ticket???!?!?!?!?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

So many posts, so little time

Audrey had some great ones today:

Only two days into the school year and we get a head lice warning note sent home. So tonight, after bath, I did the headcheck. As I was combing and parting, Audrey asked, "Any lice?" I replied, "Nope." She continued, "If you find food, ummm, just leave it in there."

Espanol in China
Audrey's been fascinated with China for quite some time. I don't know why. I told her today that my dad, her Papa D, was going to China later this month. Her eyes got wide and then she said, "He's not gonna understand a word they say 'cause they speak Spanish."

Blessed--in more ways than one
After school today, Audrey said dramatically, "Mom. Some girl today "bless you'd" all-over-me. It was SO gross. When I sneeze, I do this (demonstrates bringing the inside of her elbow to her mouth), but this girl did this (opened her arms wide and looked like she was throwing up everywhere).