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Monday, December 12, 2011

Keeping secrets that make you wanna pee your pants

A package was just delivered to our door. Audrey yelled, "Thank you!" to the driver, then turned to me and said, "You got clothes." She was guessing this based on the package. I replied, "Nope! It's one of your dad's Christmas gifts, but you can't tell him what it is."

She starts doodling and says under her breath, "I could hardly keep his presents secret last year. I almost peed my pants not saying anything."

Thursday, December 8, 2011

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I was putting Nina to bed last night when she complained that her lips were chapped. "Go downstairs and ask Dad for some chapstick. Tell him I sent you."

Her translation: "Dad, I respect you. Can I have some of your chapstick?"

He and I didn't figure this out until we were going to bed and telling our day's funny story wrap-ups. I nearly choked on my toothbrush, I was giggling so hard.

Monday, December 5, 2011

What? Veggies can hang lights, too

Audrey told our friend, Michelle, "The vegetables are coming today to hang lights on our house."

She meant "professionals."

A vacation wrap-up

I nearly forgot to post these...

We finally took a family vaca this summer. Airplane and all. Neither Audrey or Nina remember previous flights due to their ages, so they were uber excited. Here are a few tidbits from the first leg of the flight...

The flight attendant brings Nina her snack - those little graham-like crackers that are oval-shaped. Nina says loudly, "Scooby Snacks!"

Then as the flight attendants go up and down the aisle, collecting garbage, Audrey says seriously, "Kinda looks like they're trick-or-treating."

And last, but not least, during the first descent, Nina yells, "We're going down!"

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Audrey's church singing debut

Audrey was thrilled to have a singing part in the Thanksgiving Mass at school. She sang a couple of lines with a boy, whom Audrey said, "Goofed off during rehearsals."

This video is Audrey practicing at home. Note Nina's "I want attention, too" in the background. (This was the second take of Audrey singing because during the first one, Nina starting talking loudly - just to be heard.)

video

Have to document this day

Audrey and Nina are fighting over who gets to fold the laundry. When they finally agreed to work together, Audrey comes to me and whispers in my ear, "Um, do we have any soft music? We'd like to have it playing while we fold in there."

Gawd.

What's the password?

Nina is definitely the alpha female in the household. And in Nina's mind, Audrey is at the bottom of the food chain.

Last weekend, Nina locked Audrey out of a particular room. Here's how it went down:

Audrey: Nina, please let me in.
Nina: Say the password.
Audrey: I don't know the password.
Nina: Say "I love Nina."
Audrey: (loudly) I love my Nina.
Nina: I couldn't hear you.
Audrey: (shouting) I love my Nina!
Nina: Um, I still couldn't understand you.

Me: NEE-NA! Let her in NOW.

And Audrey was allowed through Nina's pearly gates.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

When I grow up

Audrey: I wanna be a singer when I grow up.
Nina: Me, too.
Audrey: I think you're more of a doctor, Nina.
Nina: No. I'm a great singer.
Audrey: Sing something.
Nina: (tortured rendition of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star)

(silence in car)

Sunday, October 16, 2011

the blonde

The girls were riding in the car with Michael when Nina said, "The blonde is hungry."

She was referring to herself, of course.

Audrey and motorcyclists

Audrey said something about motorcyclists being boys. I said girls ride them, too. She replied seriously, "Well, usually only if they're with a hot guy."

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Hookers and bedtime

As Nina crawled into her bed in the dark, she said, "Mom! There's a hooker in my bed."

It was a hanger.

Can I get some attitude with my Cheetos?

Nina asked if she could have Cheetos in the living room. I replied, "No, but you can have them in the kitchen."

She got quiet, then said as she turned the bag over, "It says here 'can eat in living room."

Weasel.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

what? really, she's smart, Mom!

A neighbor girl is 10 and often asks if Nina and Audrey can play. I've put the kabosh on it because she's just too old for them and they try to impress her. As Audrey plores with me in the car about why they should play together, Audrey says, "MOM! She's SMART! She went to preschool for 4 years and kindergarten for 5 years."

Awesome.

sibling rivalry

Audrey (6 years) and Nina (3 years) learned to ride a training-wheel-free bike within one day of each other. Thank goodness Audrey learned first or we'd have major meltdowns.

Two days into the new found freedom, Nina's zipping along the street and Audrey's running into curbs. Audrey throws down her bike, crosses her arms and sits under a tree. "I can't do this. Why is Nina so much better than me?" she shouts to no one in particular.

Nina soars by on her bike and replies, "I'm not better, Audrey, I'm just smart."

And the knife went into Audrey's back just a bit further...

Auddie's Lyrics

Bruno Mars' (is that even how you spell his name?) Lazy song can die a quick death as far as I'm concerned. That said, it is entertaining to hear Audrey's version of the lyrics.

Song: Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to lay in my bed.
Audrey: Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to lay on my fae-aaace.

Song: Gonna find a really great girl, have some really great sex.
Audrey (probably because I always turn this part down): Gonna finda  really great girl with some really great hair.

Makes me smile every time.

Sentimental Nina

I've written before about Nina's slight lack of sympathy when others are sad (well, her family, at least).

Audrey didn't take the news well that her long-time boyfriend and BFF is moving out of town next month. As she cried and declared it "not fair," I pointed out that she should be happy for him because he'll be closer to his grandparents.

"You and Nina would be sad if you didn't have any grandparents near you," I said. She wrinkled her nose and said, "No."

"Nina," I said, "You would, too, miss your grandmas & grandpas."

"Not even," she said quickly.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The eve of Auddie's birthday

As the sun went down last night, I took one last shot of Audrey as a 5 year old. It was a lovely thought - even if she'd just "done" her wet hair with multiple clips. And as I tucked her in to bed, she said, "It was a great year being 5, Mom."

Happy 6th Birthday Audrey!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Dr. Audrey

Audrey: Mom, I know how people toot. There's stuff inside them that turns around...and around...and then it bubbles up and it shoots out.

As if on cue, Nina yells from downstairs, "Mom! I have a bubble in my tummy!"

Audrey yells back, "Are you gonna toot?"

Sisterly love and patience

Audrey's been working hard on her reading. As we sat on her bed last night, she started to read a book aloud. Nina crawls on the bed, throws her head back and mutters, "Oh my god."

I gave her a double-glare. One for the comment and another for distracting Audrey so now it would take even loooonger to finish that page.

Monday, June 6, 2011

If Audrey's right, I "google it" every day

Audrey cleaned her room. As she proudly showed me, she said, "I googled it. That's what I say when I mean that I tried really hard."

Birthday cakes and gut aches

On saturday morning, Michael said to Audrey, "Noodle, you have TWO birthday parties today. Are you going to be tired?"

She replied seriously, "No, but I will have a big stomach ache."

Nina, Sam-Sam, and Mac&Cheese

Nina cleaned her ears. She proudly showed me the gross yellow gunk she got and exclaimed, "Look! Mac & Cheese!"

I replied, "Gross. I hope you didn't actually put any in your ear."

She said, "No. Sam-Sam (friend at preschool) said if you eat too fast, your food comes out your ears."

Nina watches too much TV

I took Nina and Audrey to a mongolian grill. Nina could barely see above the counter where she'd set her bowl, waiting for her noodles to be cooked. As the guy finished cooking Audrey's and set her bowl down, Nina says loudly, "Order up!"

Thursday, May 19, 2011

the dogs

Michael was singing Who Let the Dogs Out? the other day. Nina approached him and asked seriously, "Who did let the dogs out?"

How Nina rolls down on the farm

Nina's preschool class visited Six Middleton asparagus farm this week. I told her she couldn't wear a dress-had to wear pants. She relented, but decided she'd have to glam up the look somehow. After she completed the look, she asked, "Do I look like a farm girl?"


and then she did a pose down for me ...



Saturday, May 14, 2011

scars and babies

I was sunning myself a bit in the backyard. Audrey says, "I can see your scars from your surgery." Then she adds nonchalantly, "And I know where babies come out of, but it's not appropriate," and she skips away.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

So many reasons to love motherhood

Michael asked if I'd like something special for breakfast on Mother's Day. "I'd like to sleep in and have french toast in bed."


At 6:00 a.m., Nina's hot, stinky little-kid-with-8-metal-caps-on-her-teeth breath was on my face and she's pleading, "Wheeeennnn are you getting uuuupppp?"

Same thing at 6:10, 6:20, 6:45 and 7:00. At 7:15, the team couldn't wait any longer and they burst into the room. Nina shouted happily, "Happy Valentine's Day!"

Nina's card (made this morning) read, "Mom I love you. I don't like bad guys. They're mean. Nina." Touching, huh?

Audrey was a little softer in her card, noting that I'm "kind." Awwww!

Then came gift time. You'll recall the fantasticly versatile zebra print snuggie I got for my birthday... so I was anxious to see what they chose this time. (drum roll please)... TINKERBELL pajama bottoms!

Michael, however, scored big points with the new Tina Fey and Rob Lowe books.

Then I was treated to my favorite breakfast, while wearing a crown. Oh, and Audrey also put a portable mirror in front of me so I could watch myself eat. How nice!



And that, my friends, was my great morning.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

boogers and bathrooms

I was going to the bathroom and Nina says through the door, "Mom! I got lots of boogers out. You wanna see one?"

I replied, "No."

She sneaks open the door a bit and shoves her little arm through, crumpled tissue in hand and, of course, a tiny booger. "See, it's little."

"Awesome," I said.

it's the little things

Audrey says to Michael, "I love Mrs. Holom. She's so nice. She's always bending down."

(Mrs. Holom is her kindergarten teacher)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Nina didn't get the Sympathy Award

My in-laws recently had to put their beloved cat to sleep. It's been a big topic of discussion in our household. Nina's even offered our cat, Fredo, to them.

During Mike & Lynne's visit this weekend, the girls started the usual car/dinner game of "raise your hand if..."

"Raise your hand if you're 5." Audrey raises her hand.

"Raise your hand if you have a sister." All 3 girls raise their hand.

"Raise your hand if you love your mom." Everyone raises their hand.

Nina then says, "Raise your hand if you have a dead cat." Mike & Lynne slowly raise their hands (bless them).

Thursday, March 31, 2011

2 year old Nina - a video that steals my heart

I just ran across this video of Nina from about a year and a half ago--she was 2. It must have been riiiight when we were giving up her binkies because she's trying them all out, seemingly just to spite me. If you have the time, the end is the best part.


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

oh boy, you're in for a treat - 2 videos

The girls have each been singing these songs at the top of their lungs...every morning...in unison...in the car. It's been awesome. Now, here they are, sharing their talents(?) with you. Enjoy!

video
yeah, yeah, it's sideways. So is Nina. Oh, and Audrey.


video

Monday, March 28, 2011

ahhh...nature...

Nina's teacher, Miss Kalee, told us she took the kids on a little nature walk around the church. As we left the school, I asked Nina about the walk.

"What did you see?" I asked.

She replied thoughtfully, "Well...glitter (litter), dirty socks, one-of-those-sticks-you-dip-in-those-bags-of-candy (Fun Dip), and a nasty bug."

big sis, little sis

At dinner last night, Nina was uber crabby. She needed to go to bed asap, but Michael and I were still eating. Audrey pulled out her big sister voice and asked Nina if she wanted her to take her up to bed. Nina milked it and they headed upstairs.

We knew there wasn't a chance in Hades that they'd actually crawl into bed.

After just a few minutes, we hear a bit of squealing. Audrey's at the top of the stairs and she tells us, "Whenever Nina does something for me, I give her a toy."

Mind you, it isn't a new toy. It's one of their current toys, so Audrey's pulling ultra-weasel moves.

It gets better.

Audrey tells us later that when Nina does something good, Auddie's giving her some of her money. "But in the middle of the night," she whispered, "I'm going to take it back and then she can re-earn it the next day."

WEA-SEL.

a bad hair day

When I woke Sunday, it was dreary and I knew it was supposed to rain in the afternoon. I decided it wasn't worth straightening my hair, so I let it go all naturale...very curly. I'll admit, it was a little wild, but I intended to wear a hat and pull it back. Unfortunately, Audrey saw me pre-hat.

She caught a glimpse of me out of the corner of her eye as she watched her show. She jumped up and ran into the kitchen. With her eyes open wide, she pointed at me and said, "Your hair is crazy. It's like when you were a kid. I know...I've seen pictures."

Almost immediately, I felt like I was back in junior high, ironing my hair so the kids wouldn't make those same comments. Fortunately for Audrey, I've matured...(whatever)...so I rolled my eyes, laughed, and hurried in to grab the hat.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

her ship sunk

Auddie's been learning about the Titanic. "Mom, do you know about that big boat a loooong time ago that hit an ice cube?"

There's a gigantic poster in her classroom of the Titanic. When Michael and I Audrey's conference last week, her teacher, Mrs. Holom, explained that the kids were given wooden parts to build their own ships. Then they'd be letting them loose in a big tub of water, filled with icebergs, so the students could observe which ships stayed afloat...and which did not. They'd have a discussion about those that sank and figure out how they could design them differently so that they stayed afloat.

Here's the tray of boats:


Gues which one is Audrey's.

That's right - the tallest one, of course. She goes for flair, rather than function. She proudly told us it was the tallest ship. Indeed, it was. I told Michael it might be all his fault because he's taken the girls several times to the Tall Ships festival(?) in Tacoma. Audrey may be confused.

Anyway, her ship nearly sailed Monday. "It sank," she said matter-of-factly. I acted totally surprised, but she's hopeful her modifications to it will make it successful.

Bless her little engineering-challenged heart. She's just like her mother.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

splat

My niece runs in the house and says, "Andy, Audrey fell off the swing and she's crying." I look outside and see Audrey on the ground. I run out and ask her what happened. She gasps, "I splattered."

Ouch.

chasing boys

On the way to school yesterday, I noticed Audrey snuck wearing her "clickity clock" shoes -- the patent leather, dressy ones that make a clickity clock sound on our hardwood floors. For safety reasons, I don't usually let her wear them to school.

Anyway, I said, "Audrey, I see you're wearing your clickity clock shoes. You have P.E. today and you'll be running."

Audrey replied, "I used to chase the boys, but now I don't." I asked her why.

"Well...it's just not for me," she said. "I don't like running. It really wears me out."

Amen, Auddie.

those things have more than one good use

After falling off her bike yesterday, Nina said, "We need notepads for our knees in case we fall off again."

Thursday, March 17, 2011

a different kind of mess

My friend had a rough, rough morning. I'd told my mom about it on the phone, so when the girls and I picked her up in the afternoon, mom asked, "How was Britt when she came over to the house?"

I replied, "A mess."

Audrey says, "A HOT mess."

Obviously I need to watch what I say in front of her.

literacy

Nina's talking on the phone to my mother-in-law, Lynne. Lynne asks her, "What's new with Audrey?" Nina replies, "Her can read."

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

hate when that happens

Audrey came to me this morning and said seriously, "I lost my mind. I can't remember what I was going to do."

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

the pretty marble

Sometimes I don't think I can do these stories justice because you just have to be there for some of these. If you know the girls, you can at least picture their usual facial expressions and get what I'm describing, but for those of you who haven't met them - you're kinda missing out. We'll just arrange a playdate with you and them asap so you get a sense of what I'm talking about.

Here's the latest with Audrey:

I'm sitting in the living room, the three girls are running WILD through the house, outside, back into the house, etc. Then I hear giggling upstairs, whining outside. Audrey comes into the living room, tears streaming down her face, and says in a very small, sad voice, "Gracie and Nina left me outside. They're standing at the window upstairs, making faces at me -- like this (she shows me several faces and hand gestures, while crying). I yelled to them that they're not being nice, but they kept laughing. And I couldn't get back inside and my feet were getting really, really cold."

I replied, "You're right, it isn't nice of your sisters to make faces and tease. But were you really stuck outside? I just saw you walk through the door."

Tears subsiding, but still using the tiny voice, she said, "Well, I thought they'd locked it on me and it just made me really sad...but then I found this pretty marble (and the clouds opened up, Angels started singing), and it isn't mind, but can I have it?"

Suddenly all was right in the world. She won an Oscar for Best Actress, for about 5 minutes. Then she got an award for multiple personalities for changing to a new, happy marble-finding kid, immediately after being devastated by her sisters' behavior.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

those darn ice cubes

At breakfast, Audrey said, "Do you know the name of that ship from a long time ago that sank when it hit a big ice cube?"

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

traveling with Brittney

The web site and book "Sh*t My Dad Says" inspired me to keep a journal of sh*t Britt said on our recent trip to Vegas.

For those of you who don't know Britt, allow me to introduce you to her:


this was as big as I could make the picture - sad, I know


As you can see, she's a blonde beauty. She's also witty, hilarious, talented, and a math nerd. She's also five months pregnant, which made her the perfect travel mate for me. I make frequent bathroom stops, I love to eat, and I turn into a pumpkin at midnight. We were a match made in heaven for this trip.

Now, on to the stuff Britt said over our 3-day excursion...

Upon seeing our pilots at the check-in counter:
"Oh, good, one pilot has grey hair. He's experienced."

About 4 feet away from me, as I'm showing my I.D. to the guard at the security check-in:
"Andy, you brought your point-and-shoot, right?" (My eyes got wide, the guard looked at me and quickly realized if we were dumb enough to call a gun a point-and-shoot, we were probably harmless...nonetheless, I asked Britt to use the word camera in the future)

As we were boarding the plane from Pasco:
"Oh, even better, one of the pilots is bald."

On the flight to Vegas:
"Awww...maybe I'll have just one more (baby). I LOVE being pregnant." (I roll my eyes and tell her I'll remind her of that in 3 months when she's miserable)

While having a nice dinner, we talk about the issue of sending back food that isn't to your liking, and Britt says about her husband:
"Blake could have a sock in the middle of his plate and he'd just eat around it, not wanting to sending it back for fear he'd hurt someone's feelings."

While walking/talking/texting on her cell phone, she falls in the middle of a crowded hallway (remember, she's prego--and she's carrying a tiny handbag that has my phone, our credit cards, I.D.s, etc.):
(On her hands and knees, looking shocked...) "Oh no, I hope I didn't break your cell phone, Andy!"

On the flight home:
(groaning) "Ugh. I HATE being pregnant. I'm so uncomfortable...I need to go throw up." (Like a good friend, I reminded her it was just 2 days earlier that she was "glowing" about pregnancy)


LOVE YOU B!!!!!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

countries get some fruit

Audrey said to me yesterday, "Some countries got three tomatoes."

I made a confused face and said, "I don't get it. Why only three tomatoes?"

Audrey's friend, Loni, was sitting next to her. Loni leaned over and said, "TORNADOES...not tomatoes."

Sunday, February 20, 2011

a comment that'll stop you in your tracks

Audrey: Mom, look! Dad's juggling his hard balls!

(Michael was, indeed, juggling baseballs)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

round-up of funnies from today

This morning I pour Audrey a bowl of Trix cereal. I get it kind of full, so I ask, "Is this too much?"

"No," she says. "Well, maybe I'll take a bit out." She takes exactly 3 tiny balls of trix out.

******************************************

As I made Nina's waffles while wearing my Snuggie, she says, "Don't get your Snuggie sleeves in my waffles."

******************************************

Tonight, Nina heard someone say Justin Bieber's name on the TV. Her eyes grow wide and she says, "He's amazing."

*****************************************

Audrey brings me a chapstick, gives me a kiss and says, "Happy Birthday, Mom." I said, "Thanks...a used chapstick for me, huh?" She replies, "No, it's for Nina. I found it under your car."

Only the best for her little sis.

a surprise within

As I opened my b-day chic Snuggie, I found a huge piece of cardboard inside of it (see picture). Nina's comment: "Whoa. That would have been itchy."

Or painful, or stiff, or cut me in half.

my chic birthday gift

Michael and the girls woke me at 6:00 a.m. today, singing Happy Birthday. Audrey's smile couldn't have been bigger as she and Nina carried the boot-box-size gift to me. They unwrapped it, of course, and inside was ...wait for it... a chic, zebra print SNUGGIE. I didn't even know they made Snuggies in animal prints. I'm obviously living in the dark ages.

Audrey's been dying for a Snuggie, so she was anxious to get me into it. After finally finding the arm holes, I put it on, stood up, and thought, "Well, this sucks. It doesn't even keep you warm in the front."

I had it on backward.

This faux pas leads me to the point of this blog entry, which is 5 Seriously Chic Ways--and situations in which-- to Wear Your Snuggie.

Before I reveal the secrets to the chicness, here's a picture of it:



I'm sure the first thing you'll notice is that it can obviously be worn as an evening gown. Think J-Lo's loooowww cut green gown years ago, except mine is cut low (ok, open) in the back and it's black & white. And I don't have J-Lo's rockin' body.



Now, if you turn the Snuggie back around (wear it incorrectly), voila--you have yourself a queen's cape.




While making Nina waffles, I stumbled upon the third great way to wear the Snuggie frock:


I just threw the train over my shoulder and pinned a lovely flower on it.

I could almost pass for Coming to America's King of Zamunda:



The other flair I like to add to it is similar to the evening dress, but I simply add a belt and move the flower down:




Don't be jealous, ladies. But also don't ask to borrow it. Get your own.





Thursday, February 10, 2011

singing into light stands

Audrey and Nina were bored, so they wanted me to take a few pictures of them in my "studio." A few light stands were set up, so they decided to do an impromptu singing performance, too. Check it out...

video

the smackdown

I picked up Audrey from school and noticed a slight difference in her smile--something only her mom would notice.

"Audrey?" I said, "It looks like you may have chipped one of your teeth a bit. Do you remember anything happening to your mouth today? Does it hurt?"

"No, it doesn't hurt," she said. Then she was quiet for a couple of minutes.

Suddenly she said, "OH! I did smack my face on the bleachers during P.E. today. But I didn't cry."

Monday, February 7, 2011

smarty pants

Audrey was telling some story in the car and when I replied, "Yep, you're right, Auddie." She said with a straight face, "I'm always right. (pause) 1+4=6."

Thursday, February 3, 2011

pee in a cup

I was at a lab recently having blood drawn, and I also had to give a urine sample. Unfortunately, I had Nina with me. Leaving her in the company of a not-so-friendly phlebotomist wasn't an option, so she had to join me in the bathroom.

I knew it would be eventful.

She asked, "What are you doing?" I replied, "I have to give a urine sample, which means I have to pee in this cup."

Her eyes got wide and she said, "You're going to DRINK your pee?"

I dreaded taking her to preschool that morning. I could only imagine what she'd share with her class.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I'm just sayin', it isn't that easy

One of the things I've never wanted to hear from doctor is "I'll need a stool sample."

Oy. Um, no thanks.

She follows it up with, "Don't worry. It's easy."

No it isn't. I found out today just how difficult it is.

I picked up my stool collection kit this morning. Just your typical Wed...drop off the kids, get a coffee, pick up a fecal matter collection swab. Again I was told "it's easy."

I returned to my kid-free house, knowing that if I was going to do it (the big collection), now was the time. Nina wouldn't be staring at me, asking a million questions, and Audrey wouldn't be yelling from the living room, "Mom, can I have an apple." Both of which would be unwanted distractions during the poo harvest.

I took a deep breath and opened the kit. One large baggy, one very small baggy, a curious folded square of toilet seat cover-like paper, a small square of soft paper, an envelope (yeah, like I'll mail it), and a tube and wand that reminded me of Nina's bubbles.

I had three sets of directions - all for different parts of the process.

Neat.

The bubble wand is what I use to scrape the poop, then I put it back into the bottle of bubble juice. Here's the thing: do you realize how much thought has to go into exactly how you get to the point where you can scrape with said wand?

For example, one set of directions addressed the large folded toilet seat cover. Turns out you actually lay it over your toilet seat and you poop on top of it. YEP. On top of it. And step 3 (I think - things are a bit fuzzy now) reminds you to scrape BEFORE THE POOP HITS THE WATER.

Hmmm...

I pondered all of this before starting because it seemed important. I don't know about you, but prior to #2, #1 usually makes an entrance. This, my friends, would make the toilet seat cover-thingy start to sink into the toilet before you can poop on it...and before you can make the eventful scrape.

So for those of you who will have to have this awesome colon screening in the future, I'll give you a few hints about how to make this go smoothly.

Go #1 first. Wipe and flush.

Lay puppy pad (toilet seat cover thingy) on toilet seat, go #2. BUT NOT TOO MUCH! You have to rise , grab bubble wand, turn around with your nose in the toilet and scrape quickly. Yep, it smells gross. I'm not kidding when I say that it's as if the poop knows when you have enough on your wand - the puppy pad falls quicly after that. Game over. You'd better have gotten what you came for.

So now you sit back down and stare at the wand that you have to put back into the bubbles. And now I see that the head of the bubble tube is very small, so when you push the wand back in - it can get a little messy, if you know what I mean. Aaack.

Now you take the soft absorbent pad, wrap the bubbles in it, then put the entire package into the small baggy. Then insert baggy into envelope, which has a return address label that I would never -- EVER -- actually put my address on.

It's worth mentioning at this point, that the instructions about the puppy pad explicitly say it's biodegradeable and should be flushed. Well, it clogged my toilet. So now I have a poop-sample-in-an-envelope, my cat's paw clawing my direction from under the bathroom door, and a rising bowl of unfresh toilet water.

I'm proud of myself because I didn't throw up my hands in frustration. I just grabbed a plunger, yelled at the cat and dropped off my smelly sample at the lab.

Ahhh...Happy Wednesday.

today's round-up

Nina: My panties aren't well (sad face). When I looked at the situation, she had a severe wedgie because she put the undies on incorrectly.

*****************************

Audrey: Sometimes I overreact. Like when my legs itch, I do this (rubs her legs back and forth really fast).

*****************************

I catch Nina eating a booger (or at least I thought that's what I saw).

Me: NINA! You better not be eating a booger from your finger.
Nina: (indignant) NO. I got it from my head (and points to the top of her head).

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

decade day

This week at CK the kids have themed dress up days. Today is Decade Day. Audrey considered the 70s because "that's when Jimmy (Hendrix) was here," but we settled on the 80s. As I was doing her hair, I asked what the dot was on her nose. "It's a scab. They had those in the 80s, right?"

On the way to school, she serenaded me with I Love Rock & Roll and then We Three Kings and Joy to the World.

Monday, January 31, 2011

what are you lookin' at?

Nina and I have the pleasure of watching 15 month old Braxton for a couple of hours, once a week. On one particular day, I was finally getting Nina out of her pajamas, with Brax standing in the background. A naked Nina turned around, noticed a smiling Brax (probably because he was farting, not interested in her), and said in a snotty voice, "What are YOU looking at, Brax?" Then she turned back to me and quickly got dressed.

a non-uni day

As much as Audrey loves her school uniform, she also loves "free dress" days. Last Friday, as she was prepping for free dress, she said in a serious voice, "Mom, but we can't wear those 'noodle straps."

She meant SPAGHETTI straps.

poop happens. a lot. to us, at least.

Nina and I spend a lot of time in the bathroom. Or at least it seems that way.

I took her potty before she got in the bath. As she sat on the side of the tub with both feet in, she says in a panic, "Oops, I forgot a poop. It's coming out NOW."

I scooped her up before the rogue turd escaped.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

starring...Auddie

The last thing Audrey said before she fell asleep last night was, "I've never been in a commercial 'afore, Mom!"

That's right, folks, Audrey's acting debut starts today. Our BFF Jonna at Image Works asked if Auddie would like to be part of a public service announcement-type commercial for Run for Ribbons, a local cancer walk.

this is not the outfit :-)
To prep Auddie for it, I took her to Image Works yesterday so she could see the studio. She took her own camera so she could "take pictures so I don't forget anything." And much to my horror, she was wearing: a long-sleeve grey and white t-shirt that's 2 sizes too big and it reads "Girls Can Save the World," a purple plaid short skirt, polka dot knee-high socks, black ballet slipper shoes and a headband with a large flower on it. I obviously didn't supervise the "play clothes" change from her uniform before we headed out. Oy.

Will give all the details this evening after we tape this afternoon!

Friday, January 14, 2011

she's got the moves

As Nina's dancing, we ask Audrey, "Did she learn that from Grace?" Audrey replied, "No, it's all Nina."

video

Thursday, January 13, 2011

all aboard the Polar Express

As I climbed into bed last night, Michael looked at me and said casually, "Polar fleece to bed?" Then he rolled his eyes. My response was, "Oh, I don't think it's performance fleece, by any means, I got it for $10 at Old Navy." End of discussion.

You see, my winter bedtime wardrobe has been a source of criticism for quite some time. On a typical night, I'll wear socks, loungewear pants, a t-shirt, and a sweatshirt to bed.

One night Michael stole a glance at me while he was reading in bed. "Going to Alaska tonight, honey?" I just smiled in reply.

I'm sure you're thinking, "Duh, add blankets." We have.

Here's the thing: I hate being cold. And since I'm usually out of bed an average of 3 times per night, I need to be snuggly in bed...as well as out of bed.

So there. Me and my non-performance fleece will be snuggly allllll night long.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

applauding good words

We always applaud the girls when they use "good, creative" words. A recent example I was quite proud of:

Audrey: Mom, we're playing horse. I need a long scarf to tether Nina to Grace.

Nice, eh? Who wouldn't be proud?!

espanol anyone?

An excerpt from today's car conversation with Nina.

Nina: Mom, how do you say hello in Spanish?

Me: Hola.

Nina: How do you spell hola in spanish?

Me: H. O. L. A.

Nina: No, that isn't it.

Me: Yes it is. You spell hola H. O. L. A.

Nina: NO.

Me: Actually, yes. Or maybe "echae, o, ell-ae, ah."

Nina: NO, that's not how it is. How do you spell hola in spanish?

Me: Nina, I'm trying to tell you, but you don't believe me. I took spanish, that's how you spell it.

Nina: Nevermind.

bazahnya

When Audrey hops into the car after school, she usually pelts me with a million pieces of information. "Look at my homework. Mrs. Holom sent you a note. So-and-so got in trouble today." You get the picture.

Today's bit of info included, "Oh, tomorrow for lunch there's no bazahnya (lasagna). The noodles didn't turn out really good."

I laughed out loud. First, Audrey wouldn't dare eat hot lunch -- ever. Second, I've heard CK's food is fairly good, but I find it hard to believe that the cafeteria is making its own noodles. Or are they? My how things have changed...

Thursday, January 6, 2011

privacy in the potty

Nina and I were watching 1 year old Braxton this morning. She had to go potty and, of course, I have to stand in there with her. Much to her horror, I had to leave the door open because I couldn't leave Braxton alone. She said, "MOM! Don't let Braxton in - he can't see me!" I replied, "He's only 1. It's ok. I can't close the door on him." Then she said, "Would YOU want someone to watch YOU going potty?"

funny pictures of Nina

I was messing with some settings on my camera so Nina jumped at the chance to pose for a few. I finally had to put the camera away because she wouldn't let me do anything but take pics of her.

 


the letter G

The principal of Christ the King helps the kids out of the car in the morning at the designated drop-off spot (a service I love). When she opened the door the other day she said, "Audrey's class was working on the letter G yesterday and Audrey had a great G word -- GOWN."

Of course, my little living-in-fairytale-land-girl.

honest Audrey

This morning I showered and dried my hair, but decided not to put on makeup (for the third day in a row). Audrey asked, "Why don't you wear makeup like other moms?" I replied, "I do sometimes, just not today. I don't always have time."

Audrey said, "You put makeup on all the time when Nina and I went to CUPID." So I relented and put some makeup on, but didn't go all out.

Audrey returned to the bathroom and I asked, "Well, better?" She made a face and I said, "Is it my hair you don't like?" She replied innocently, "No, it's your face."
 

avandia