Monday, November 8, 2010

when crap happens (again)

Today was one of those days when I cried to Michael when he got home. I also sent him a variety of manic text messages throughout the day -- some with cute, funny pictures of Nina's wardrobe of the day (see below), others with a WTF connotation because I just can't believe the chain of events that can happen in the day of the life as a stay-at-home (but rarely at home) mom. Here's an example:

Nina and I go to lunch with Britt & Brax. Nina refuses to eat any of her lunch, makes me pinky-swear (literally) that it "tastes good" before she even tries a bite. It's KRAFT MACARONI & CHEESE at a restaurant. (And it's the best damn mac & cheese I've ever tasted, in case you're wondering.) We leave the restaurant with her throwing a temper tantrum (thanks for tolerating B&B!).We get in the car, she screams for 5 minutes, then is out cold for a brief nap.

I have to kill some time before we pick up Audrey, so we got to Fred Meyer (here's where it gets fun). I have to go to the bathroom -- too much iced tea at lunch -- but Nina is still sleeping. I planned to just lay her in the cart on a coat, but I know the Freddy's plush restrooms can't fit a cart. Pickle #1. I leave our cart parked outside the bathrooms. Nina's over my shoulder, drooling in her sleep. I wedge us into a stall (can't use the handicrapper--thanks MT for that clever one--because it isn't presentabl). I hang my purse on the hook and then glance down to see if I dare set Neens on the floor. No can do.

I hold her nearly 30 pound body in one arm and undo my pants one-handed. Then I sit with her on my lap, go quickly, wipe, miss getting the t.p. into the toilet (oh-so-glad I didn't set her down on the floor), get pants back up one-handed, flush with foot, grab purse, and head out to wash hands (also a challenge). I'm feeling pretty darn proud of myself at this point. Sign me up for a multi-tasking competition, por favor.

Now I'll fast-forward to waiting in the parking lot of Audrey's school, about 30 min later. We have 25 minutes to kill so Nina's in the back eating nuggets and I'm surfing the net on my bberry. Nina toots LOUDLY twice. She giggles, I glare and ask her to excuse herself. Then she says "I need to potty real bad."

For those of you who know Nina, she ALWAYS has to go potty. It's her favorite pasttime, so I don't always hop to it when she tells me to. But I think back to 5 minutes earlier with the toot-o-rama and we jump out of the car and run into the church office where I know they have a bathroom (because we've used it umpteem times).

I close the door, turn Nina around and pull down her tights. Out falls a teeny turd.

I was so shocked that I wasn't sure, at first, what it was. She never indicated that anything actually happened in her drawers. I said, "Nina! What's going on? You peed and pooped your pants? Why didn't you tell me?" She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I didn't know I did. Sorry." Then she began a 10 minute sing-song about "so happy Christmas is almost here." I stripped her down, gave strict instructions not to let the wind catch her dress while we were outside getting Audrey, and off we went.

Now it's 3:00 and I have a brief shoot at 3:45 at the park -- and the girls have to come with me. I can't take nearly-naked-Nina, so we dash to Freddy's again to buy some new clothes. Made it to the shoot with 5 minutes to spare and Audrey even got an outfit out of the deal.

And what did I get out of the deal? A tasty hard cider and a box of rice a roni at the end of the day.

1 comment:

  1. HILARIOUS! Thanks for the laugh, and also showing me that I'm not the only SAHM with these stories :)