Nina...or Napoleon Dynamite?

Picture it: Nina's lying in bed on her back. I'm cuddled next to her, dreading the stalling that's sure to come at bedtime. I doze off, she awakes me to say in a Napoleon Dynamite-like voice, "Uh, I'm gonna potty in my pants." It's her way of saying in a non-request, non-stalling way, "I need to go to the bathroom."

Sigh

smart mouth at 5

I'd had it this morning. The girls had won every battle. I was so stinkin' tired of cleaning up after them. So when I saw them--again--dragging my shoes out of my closet so they could play dress-up, I blew a gasket.

"NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. Put 'em back. Get out of my closet. Close. The. Door."

Audrey dared to say politely, "Umm, Mom? This is actually Dad's closet, too. And...he pays for this house."

I had to give myself a timeout in the bathroom.

ahhh...memories

Some of my fondest memories of growing up are my Dad and I rockin' out to music. Janet Jackson, Paula Abdul, Shania Twain, Michael Jackson, Starship...even as I type them I'm laughing aloud. I'd coreograph a kickass routine for a talent show of some sort and my Dad would be my first audience. He'd coach me, "You're not smiling, Andrea!" God love him, I'm not sure how he kept a straight face during those performances.

So today, as I rocked out to my girls' Kidz Bop CD, I smiled because I know they thought I was the coolest mom--EH-VER.

I'm stuck

Twice today Nina said, "Mom, I stuck."

First, it was at Walmart. Her foot was caught in the front of the cart and I'd been dragging her. Obviously she wasn't hurting because it took her a while to speak up, but when she finally did, I had to work hard at getting her foot out.

The second and last time was as she watched a movie. She was copying her big sister and turned a leaf-shaped seat (thanks Papa D) over so that she had her butt in the space between the bottom of the seat and the legs of the leaf chair. And she was completely wedged in there. When I pulled her hands/arms, the leaf chair came with her. Thankfully I didn't have to use butter...or peanut butter...to clean up the mess.

snot

Nina yelled in the backseat, "Audrey, stop being a snot."

Audrey: "Where did you learn that word?"
Me: "Yeah, where did you hear that?"

Nina: "Walmart."

the Petal Girl

I was dreading the moment Audrey found out that there was a flower girl in the wedding...and it wasn't her. Auddie's been dying to be a flower girl. "But Moooom...all of your friends are married. I'm never gonna have a chance to be a flower girl." (whiny voice)

So I wasn't surprised when she pulled me aside at the rehearsal dinner. She had me sit on the couch, away from the crowd, and she said seriously, "Mom, she's the flower girl." Talla, an innocent flower girl, walked by and said, "I'm the flower girl and my brother is the ring boy."

Audrey, exasperated, said, "Um, that's a ring bear-er." Then, looking at me, "Mom, she doesn't even know how to say it...how can she be a flower girl and I'm not?"

I hid my smile and assured her the wedding would still be fun.

During the ceremony, I snuck a peek at Audrey and she was excitedly giving Talla the thumbs up sign, signaling she was doing a good job being a "petal girl."

"You don't look how you're supposed to look, Mom"

I came out of my room dressed and ready to go to the store. Audrey says innocently, "Did you already put makeup on, Mom?" I replied, "Well, kindof. Not much. Do I look ok?" Audrey: Well, no. I think you need more. You don't really look like you're supposed to.

keep your feet to yourself

I'm sitting on the couch in the middle of the girls. Nina puts her feet across me and, of course, touches Audrey. Audrey says exasperated, "NINA! Don't put your feet on my pretty face!"

goodwill

I was on the front porch sipping iced tea. I had a People mag in one hand, my blackberry in another. Next to me...a delicioso treat a friend made (I'm certain it was her last ditch effort to guilt me to the gym).

The girls were supposed to be riding their bikes. I was paying attention - honestly. They were moving the bikes out of the garage...there were helmets...then a wagon...

(sip of tea. bite of treat. look up.)

I see three bikes, four helments, and a few boxes.

(sip of tea. check the bberry. scoff at the mag--nothing too juicy in it this time. look up.)

The pile has grown. It now includes clothes, a child's bench, six glass thingies, four water wings, some books, and skates. And Nina's standing near the pile, waving and greeting her...customer, Audrey. Audrey is pulling a wagon full of more stuff and Nina welcomes her to Goodwill.

Awesome. At least they've learned a thing or two from being home with me.

"What's wrong with it?!?!?!?"

Me: Auddie, wow, your hair...
Auddie: (exasperated) What's wrong with it? (hands on hips)
Me: Nothing. Let me take a picture.

Hello, my name is...

After dropping off Audrey at church camp yesterday (saw lots of people), I ran a couple of errands (saw more people), then visited my mom at her work.

Mom: Andrea, what's that?
My thought bubble: (that's never a good sign)
Mom: Honey, your bra tag is hanging out the back.

Mind you, this isn't the small, inner tag that you dig to find in your bra. This is the Victoria's Secret "dog tag"-like thing that sports your size and the outrageous (altho worth it - thanks, B) price you paid for the support.

So, I'm calling it my new nametag. Instead of "Hello, my name is..." I'll be more forthright than many people and just tell them my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder size.

all that glitters

I'm the only one who cleans Fredo's litter box. Shocking, I know. I paid Audrey $3 once to do it for one night when Michael and I were out of town and Grammy stayed with the girls. Bless her heart, Auddie tried really hard, but my mom said she was gagging so bad she got only one scoop done. I still paid her.

As I scooped the never-ending piles this morning (with Fredo watching, as always, standing next to the box), Nina watched, too, and asked, "You putting more glitter in there, Mom?"

Glitter?

She meant Litter. :-)

another insult

Audrey whined this morning from the couch, "Mom, I wanna kiss." I went to the couch and leaned down to give her a peck.

She smiled and said, "Every morning you smell like something...like "bed"...or maybe skunk.

Audrey turns 5

Audrey started off her birthday by opening presents at 6:15 a.m. Then she had an action-packed day, including lunch at Red Robin where she made sure every single person working there knew that it was her birthday (had to make sure they sang to her). I let her stay up a little later than usual so she could watch a new video and as I put her to bed that night she said, "Mom, I'm still 5 right?" Me: "Yes." Audrey: "4 is in the trash for me!"

uncertainty

Uncertainty. It's something some people thrive on, but for others, like me, it brings nothing but anxiety. Well, for the most part. I like not knowing exactly where I'm eating out when we're on vacation. I can take that kind of uncertainty. But the rest I can do without.

Vacation: Turner Style

This year's first little getaway was typical in many ways--tears, drama, adventure, exhaustion, and lots of snacking. All of this, of course, was done by our three girls. Two particular noteworthy comments from Audrey are:

-to Michael, "I need to work on you," because he didn't understand what she was trying to ask him.

-to Me, "Oh, please. I already knew that."

-to Me, on the drive home, after I yelled at them for driving me nuts. Me: Sorry to yell, but you girls haven't been listening very well. (Brief pause) Audrey: Hey! That rhymes!

From Nina:

-to Me, as she points to the beach, "That's da BAY. Not the river. My daddy told me. It's da bay."